Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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