Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Randomize
