i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
