my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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