i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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