There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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