Umm I'm too high to move.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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