GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
