I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
