Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
