I got chris browned last night
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
