My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
