eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
