wat bout pragnant strippers??
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
