you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Watching her eat just hurts me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
