Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
