he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
