is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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