it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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