I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
