Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
