matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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