Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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