For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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