Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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