Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
