I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Drunk is not a location!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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