I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
