giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
