you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
