I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
