I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
