I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she told me i tasted like america
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
