I hate your face
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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