I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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