I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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