dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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