Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
