Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
