Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
