I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
