Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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