were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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