Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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