I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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