He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
