That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
