I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
