this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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