you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
