just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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