i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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