As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We named our party play list daddy issues
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize