He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
