woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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