I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
