On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my poor anus
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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