Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Buhtt sex?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
