Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
