A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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