im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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