you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
