So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
