so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
