I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
