Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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