im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had sex on a roof
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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