You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm always down for nudity.
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