She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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