I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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