You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
