i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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