guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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