i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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