Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
