meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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