She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
