mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
