We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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