I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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